When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
