were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
