all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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