Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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