I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
