im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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