your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
