This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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