I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
