My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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