Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
