rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
