So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How does one acquire holy water?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
