What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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