and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
