i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
