i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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