Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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