i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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