Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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