Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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