The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
