Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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