i think my tv is drunk
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
