Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
