THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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