i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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