come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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