he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
