last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
