God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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