You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
