I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
