idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
