you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
