Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
