Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
