Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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