The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
