he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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