So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
