I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
