You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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