Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
