FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
