I bet he comes in French.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
