his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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