im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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