My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
