i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
People in love make me want to vomit
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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