It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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