Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
