Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
