I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
