Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
