You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
