You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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