i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
