halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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