What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
