That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
