Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
