I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
